WELCOME

WE'LL STICK THE KETTLE ON

Hello, and welcome to My Tights Won’t Stay Up. We are Iris Clot and Flora Cramp, lady-bloggers who find maintaining high levels of groomed femininity a massive ball-ache. As girl-children we saw a world promised to us on telly, in magazines and adverts where we would become lithe, graceful, organised goddesses. It was a pile of crusty lies. We can no more master liquid eyeliner than we can bewitch men with our choice of trouser, or divine the malevolent sorcery required to keep our jeffing tights up. In short, we each felt like we were starring in our own one woman farce. Read more…

Latest Blog Posts

Have your finger on the pulse of our refusal to accept the world for women as we know it. To read more blogs click >> here.

The week in sexist news 23/06/2017

Well, it *is* Friday. With all the other frankly abysmal shit going down, it's somewhat comforting to know that our national press (online and off) still prioritises women and make plenty of time to body and slut shame, obsess over the legs of dead royals and be...
Read More

Brexit Style

As Brexit brow sweeps the nation, we take a look at this year's hottest 'Article 50' style essentials, guaranteed to make your wardrobe great again. [Click here to view as a pdf] 1. Henge dress Made of dolerite poly-cotton mix, this neolithic number harks back to a...
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30 Things We’ve Learned From Today’s Daily Mail

1) It's always best to distract readers from bad news about any royals or prospective royals... ...with tits. 2) Women should do age-appropriate shagging As men are allowed to have normal all-purpose sex regardless of age, one presumes these 'steamy' scenes required...
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The Week in Sexist News 11/12/15 (sort of)

Merry December dearest pals, The Week in Sexist News is back! Well, sort of. While we've been working on our EXCITING NEW PROJECT (which we will unveil with a flourish in the New Year), so we've been taking a break from sexist newsing...but...we haven't really. You...
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Not The Week in Sexist News 13/11/2015

Morning you glories. We have a confession to make... There is no Sexist News today. We do have a good reason, we promise. We are working on a project that we hope will delight and amuse. Though we would love to be able to do TWISN in tandem, trawling through the...
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The Week in Sexist News 06/11/15

Good Morning readers! We hope you had a wonderful night of burning cloth men on massive pyres. We tend to do that every two to three weeks, but last night was exceptional - in fact, our fire is still going. We burned enough copies of The Sun to keep the embers alight...
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The Week in Sexist News 30/10/15

Good Morning, dear friends. I was just about to pen some scathing introductory words about the shittery of our newshounds, when I spilt a pint of coffee down one leg (the left one), so I'd better go and wash  it (the right one is fine). Iris could've taken over, but...
Read More

The Week in Sexist News 23/10/15

MORNING gals and guys! Have you had a nice week? The papers have contained an absolute toss-fest of shit-flinging and feminist bashing. Which, of course we LOVE. Without further ado here is a veritable banquet of Fleet Street faeces:   10) Not so Fonda* of...
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The Week in Sexist News (Anniversary Issue – sort of) 16/10/15

MORNING. Well, we missed an important Tights-iversary. Last week we had been doing TWISN for a WHOLE YEAR. A whole blinkin' year. Forty-five posts about the dickishness of our 'free' press. There have been more celeb-lady-part flauntings in the last year than we've...
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The Week in Sexist News 09/10/2015

Oh Good God, it's Friday again. Which, on the one hand, is good and, on the other, is a reminder of how little one can achieve in 5 days. Unless one includes biscuits consumed, in which case, both of us are WINNERS at life. Anyway, our weekly productivity aside, we've...
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The Week in Sexist News 01/05/15

Lawks guv, it's only gone and got to Friday again. We've been trawling the dark, dark abyss so you lovely lot don't have to. And we strenuously advise you not to, unless you want your brain to melt into a steaming puddle of incredulity. We find it quite staggering...
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The Week in Sexist News 09/01/15

New Year, new, refreshing approach to gender equality in our national press? Not bloody likely. This week has been as turgid as ever with all the usual fun of the fair (if by fun we mean fat-shaming, slut-shaming, rape apology and other crusty, patriarchal delights)....
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The Week in Sexist News 19/06/15

Good morning citizens of the internet. We hope you're having a nice Friday (or any other day if you're reading this some other time). We've had a largely calm week, well, sort of. Iris is ovulating and so has mostly been crying, but Flora has had some delightful walks...
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The Week in Sexist News 06/03/2015

It is once again Friday, that hallowed day which, for many of the 30 something spinsters that read our blog, will end with you all sicking up in a bush having lost a shoe outside the church social or Gala bingo, for the agnostic or worse (crosses self) amongst us....
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The Week in Sexist News 17/04/15

Well ladies and gents, this week the sexist bullshit fairy ran barefoot through our national press. Wedding cockery, foot fuckwittery, pregnancy piffle, it's all here. We've been busy amusing ourselves and trying our best to ignore it all until absolutely necessary....
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The week in sexist news 23/06/2017

Well, it *is* Friday. With all the other frankly abysmal shit going down, it's somewhat comforting to know that our national press (online and off) still prioritises women and make plenty of time to body and slut shame, obsess over the legs of dead royals and be...
Read More

The Week in Sexist News 09/10/2015

Oh Good God, it's Friday again. Which, on the one hand, is good and, on the other, is a reminder of how little one can achieve in 5 days. Unless one includes biscuits consumed, in which case, both of us are WINNERS at life. Anyway, our weekly productivity aside, we've...
Read More

The Week in Sexist News 20/02/2015

Hey Tights Fans, it's been a peculiar week at Tights Towers this week. Iris is living a double life of intrigue, which mainly involves fannying about in London for work and hiding her drinking habits from her mother; Flora has been going on long walks to 'get back to...
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The Week in Sexist News 30/10/15

Good Morning, dear friends. I was just about to pen some scathing introductory words about the shittery of our newshounds, when I spilt a pint of coffee down one leg (the left one), so I'd better go and wash  it (the right one is fine). Iris could've taken over, but...
Read More

The Week in Sexist News 27/02/2015

  It's Friday, friends! As per usual this week, a sorry troupe of rent-a-hacks have spaffed some utter toss about wimmin onto page and screen. Averse to cleaning as we are - being general slovenly wenches with grimy fridge-backs - we have mopped some of it up...
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FLAUNTING PRAISE FOR THE WEEK IN SEXIST NEWS

“A refreshing and effective combination of feminist thought and sharp humour. Has made me wet myself laughing”

Laura Bates, Everyday Sexism

“The Week in Sexist News is bang on and hilarious. Please let there be a book, it would be the kind of pant wetting affair that I would have to buy for most of the women I know (and the men too, come to think of it) the likes of which I haven’t done since Caitlin Moran’s ‘How to be a Woman’”

Lucy-Anne Holmes, No More Page 3

“I can no longer risk eating or drinking whilst reading these posts. It’s a potential death trap but I guess at least I’d go laughing (snorting and choking!) Love it!”

Jolly nice blog comment

“I actually laughed so hard my breastfeeding baby fell off the boob”

Super lovely blog comment

“It never stops does it? Brilliant though – amazing how the humour can stop me crying into my cereal despite all the misogyny”

Super jolly blog comment

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for always making me feel relieved and happy”

Lovely, smashing blog comment

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