Hope you’ve got a nice cuppa, never face press sexism without caffeine…

10) Designer poverty

The Telegraph, 28/06/17

I’m sure anyone who is struggling financially, like public sector workers, perhaps, can empathise with Sam Cam’s howl of pain. The real victim here though is poor Dave who has to make do with filthy rags Sam must scavenge from M&S and a twenty-five thousand pound shed.

9) Do androids shout at electric tits?

The Mail Online, 28/06/17

Two points to bear in mind here. 1) That the take home from this for the Mail Online is the passing of traditional street harassment, not the livelihoods of human beings. And 2) it seems we won’t see an end to builder cat-calling because some (gainfully employed) morons have evolved, but because they’ve been replaced by androids. Excellent.

8) Sexual Healing double whammy from The Star

The Daily Star, 27/6/17

If you don’t service your man, at least several times a week you obviously want him to DIE of heart disease. But, it’s ok wimmin! You don’t have to go to the tedious lengths of actually shagging him yourself, you could just hold a clock and watch while his HOT workmate dry humps him with her pants still on.

So men should be ‘at it’ almost endlessly to fight off heart disease; but women should avoid climaxing lest they suffer paralysis or possibly death. Is The Star trying to subtly push the idea that blokes being abysmal in bed several times a week is best for everyone’s health?

7) Wedding dress-athon

The Telegraph, 29/06/17

The Telegraph has been an absolute treasure trove of toss this week. This nuptial-humping offering includes a sentence that chills this wedding-allergic spinster to her very core: “A lot of people are trying to extend their weddings now, whether that’s with immediate follow-up events like lunches and garden parties on the day after, or by taking group trips to events like festivals for a first anniversary,”. Yes. “Immediate follow-up events”. When someone says “immediate follow-up” to me they’re usually putting a swab in a ziplock bag while I put my pants back on. I’m in two minds as to which is preferable, a second intra-vaginal ultrasound or a close friend’s never-ending wedding. Luckily it’s not all so horrifying, they offer some good advice. A wedding dress can easily be re-used for red-carpet functions, a real and practical solution for all new brides.

6) Total pony

The Sun, 27/06/17

Picture this, if you will: Danny Dyer is on his own, perhaps in a toilet cubicle and feeling a bit frisky. He flops his cockney knob out of his Union Jack pants, takes a picture of Little Danny and sends it to a woman who is not his trouble and strife; along with erotic communiqués about her bristols. Maybe he has a little Tommy Tank. So far, so unpleasant. The thing is, The Currant Bun thinks that his ‘long suffering’ wife is the one who is ‘humiliated’, not the the idiot Snapchatting his wotsit.

5) Bag yourself some fashion

The Telegraph, 27/06/17

4) The weakest link

The Mail Online, 27/06/17

Every time I click on a Femail link, I’m sure I get slightly stupider.

3) Face palm

The Mirror, 27/06/17

I was primed to discover Kate’s cheap beauty secret was something weird enough to make this qualify as even an anaemic ghost of a beauty story. Perhaps some kind of slapping ritual with a wooden spoon, a spud bath or a vigorous sanding. But no. The Duchess achieves her radiance because like almost every other human alive, she washes her face with a fucking flannel.

2) Liddle exercises his sexism

The Sun, 29/06/17

It seems the endless human delight that is cheeky straw-topped windbag Rod Liddle, wants to take Kelvin McKenzie’s place as The Sun‘s next top bell-end. Since his firing, all but one article penned by curvy Kelv has been wiped from The Sun’s website (along with the Page 3 section now relegated to it’s own website *cough*). With the rancid fart of McKenzie’s column all but dissipated, Rod can limber up his impressively small mind, get down to objectifying and belittling women like the inadequate throwback he really his and take Kelvin’s dubious crown.

1) Let them have abortions

The Express, 29/06/17

It’s so nice to know that the Tories, having turned their attention to Northern Ireland, have seen how important women’s rights are. Obviously their decision is absolutely based on fulfilling their obligations to protecting human rights and nothing whatsoever to do with being scared out of their wits that vest-loving, jam-making, rich-taxing Jezza might become Prime Minister. It must be a rather sobering thought for Corbyn; the Tories hate him more than they hate low-income women.

While finishing this week’s blog, a story appeared about a man slashing a woman’s throat in carpark. Am waiting with baited breath to find out if he’s ‘just a nice guy who is a bit clumsy with sharp things around women’, curtesy of news outlets who are keen to give male violence the benefit of the doubt. There was also a story about a man dragging his wife around by her hair and then joking about it, police said ‘it was a domestic incident’. Not to mention Petra Ecclestone’s soon to be ex-husband, she’s been quite unkind and thrown him out of his home due to ‘alleged’ abuse. Also, The Independent published a story that implied Amber Heard might, y’know, have been right about Johnny Depp being an arsehole abuser. Anyone would think there is a pattern of male violence rolling, day-in day-out, like shitty muzak that has no beginning, but sure as hell should have an end. Anyway, with VAWG in mind, if you can support the amazing work done by the Women’s Aid federation where you live, please do, will pop links below.

Have a lovely couple of weeks, TWISN will be fortnightly going forward unless I’m super-inspired. Please feel free to send stories you’d like covered via social media as half the work is reading the godawful news without crying, being sick or suffering eye-roll related injuries. TTFN x

UK Women’s Aid federations:
England –
Scotland – www.scottishwomensaid.org.uk
Wales – www.welshwomensaid.org.uk
Northern Ireland – www.womensaidni.org