The Week in Sexist News 05/12/14

Dearest readers, welcome to The Week in Sexist News: Advent Special. Now, speaking of advent, PUT DOWN that Dairy Milk Calendar and STOP guzzling that hot wine with sugar in it - it's DIET TIME! Yes, this week those hallowed gatekeepers of 'news' have churned out...

Sod Off Black Friday

I just attempted to buy a loaf in Tesco. To all of you who feel anxious in crowds, are disinterested in saving eleven pounds on a dishwasher and are unimpressed by sweaty men in duffel coats shoving you in the arse with a HP printer whilst shouting ‘Jordan, put that...

Distressed by Denim

So. Jeans shopping. It has to be up there with one of the most demoralising things a woman can do in a town centre bar, of course, food shopping or having to explain for the bajillionth time what ‘Ms’ means to the young chap in the Carphone Warehouse. A friend...

Fuzz

It might as well grow (a poem) Razors pain you, Wax causes concern; Tweezers pinch you; Friction can burn. Lasers are Sci-Fi, Sugaring scares, All that money buys, But why do you care? If fashion’s hairless, Then hairy brings woe, Maybe just care less; It might as...

Men’s Health

By Flora Cramp. WAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGHHHH Was my initial response on viewing the tornado of utter turd that is the Men’s Health website. In addition to the buffet of articles about a) abs b) abs and c) making money out of your...

The Sun Diet

A guest blog, written by our mate Maud Flannel. Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t hate The Sun; I hate all sexist media. I’m quite ‘equal opportunities’ like that. However, as much The Mail et al may hate women and wear that hatred on their sleeve/website/sidebar...

Home Interiors

By Flora Cramp A miracle of providence occurred! Just as I was contemplating redecorating my living room, I saw an article published by Men’s Health magazine, entitled Decode her Home. In this article, a team of psychologists and behavioural experts encourage men to...

Pop

Pop Music is evocative and few people can recall the headiness of youth without linking it to a soundtrack that drips, stickily with audio nostalgia. Sometimes, memories are tinted rosier by the opening bars of their 16 year old self’s favourite album and, often, the...

Hangovers

By Flora Cramp The Cramps have an Easter Sunday tradition of visiting Auntie Maureen, taking her somewhere ‘nice’ where she can have a walk and eat a scone, and then arguing about whether Paul Shane was in anything after Hi-de-Hi, until it’s time to go home. My input...

Sweary Freebies

Morning All, Amongst what I believe is known as a 'Portfolio Career' I do graphic design and other digital jiggery-pokery, which should really be far beyond my lady-brain and yet somehow isn't - how curious! Anyway, last week when I really should have been doing...

Tights

So I bought Grazia the other day, but didn’t read it because I knew it would either bore me to frumpy tears, or force me to be shrill about the amount women are encouraged to spend on fucking handbags. But anyway, that’s not what I brought you here to talk about. I...

Running

By Flora Cramp Last Boxing day, when I was too full to do a jigsaw or argue with my dad, I sat in the chair near the cat litter tray with a bottle of sherry, and stared at the wall for six or seven hours. Ignoring my mum’s conversation about whether Jeremy Irons had...