WELCOME

WE'LL STICK THE KETTLE ON

Hello, and welcome to My Tights Won’t Stay Up. We are Iris Clot and Flora Cramp, lady-bloggers who find maintaining high levels of groomed femininity a massive ball-ache. As girl-children we saw a world promised to us on telly, in magazines and adverts where we would become lithe, graceful, organised goddesses. It was a pile of crusty lies. We can no more master liquid eyeliner than we can bewitch men with our choice of trouser, or divine the malevolent sorcery required to keep our jeffing tights up. In short, we each felt like we were starring in our own one woman farce. Read more…

Latest Blog Posts

Have your finger on the pulse of our refusal to accept the world for women as we know it. To read more blogs click >> here.

A Beginners’ Guide to Not Sexually Harassing

Sorry we've not been around very much, we figured it'd be fine to relax, after all there's not been all that much sexism lately (hahahahhahaaaaaaaa .... weep). But fear not! The fabulous Violet Bushtrimmer is here with this very handy guide for any men who may be...

Doctor Who Vs. Jackie (or The Road to Womanhood)

* This wise and personal missive to her younger self is another triumph penned by the wonderful and sensibly shod Violet Bushtrimmer. As I approach my dotage there are many things I miss about being young:  not being obsessed where the nearest toilet is, being able to...

Mind the Gap and other tales of sexist fun

• It's Friday and Violet Bushtrimmer, our roving correspondent out in the social media field, reports back on some recent findings. Mind the gap.... and the idiots. This was the week that the BBC decided to reveal the salaries of their top paid stars. Or was FORCED to...

Doctor Who and the man-babies

We welcome esteemed new contributor Ms V. Bushtrimmer to the site with what we're sure you'll agree is a frankly sensational debut. Equal parts steamed loathing, vivid sexual imagery and weeping man-babies who will be watching Ant and Dec firing marshmallows at an owl...

You couldn’t make it up

There is a point where you just can't face reading The Express, The Mail, The Sun, The Star, a large proportion of The Mirror or The Telegraph and hope never to clap eyes on any of them ever again. We have reached it. Iris thought she could cope and valiantly tried to...

Darn Kitsch! – Guest Post

We're very excited that the fabulous Cath Janes has written this guest post for us. Many a beverage was choked on reading her hilarious rage-filled Kraken Wakes blogs. She doesn't write so much these days, but is no less creative. You won't find her at a laptop, but...

The Week in Sexist News 30/06/2017

Hope you've got a nice cuppa, never face press sexism without caffeine... 10) Designer poverty The Telegraph, 28/06/17 I'm sure anyone who is struggling financially, like public sector workers, perhaps, can empathise with Sam Cam's howl of pain. The real victim here...

The week in sexist news 23/06/2017

Well, it *is* Friday. With all the other frankly abysmal shit going down, it's somewhat comforting to know that our national press (online and off) still prioritises women and make plenty of time to body and slut shame, obsess over the legs of dead royals and be...

Brexit Style

As Brexit brow sweeps the nation, we take a look at this year's hottest 'Article 50' style essentials, guaranteed to make your wardrobe great again. [Click here to view as a pdf] 1. Henge dress Made of dolerite poly-cotton mix, this neolithic number harks back to a...

30 Things We’ve Learned From Today’s Daily Mail

1) It's always best to distract readers from bad news about any royals or prospective royals... ...with tits. 2) Women should do age-appropriate shagging As men are allowed to have normal all-purpose sex regardless of age, one presumes these 'steamy' scenes required...

The Week in Sexist News 30/06/2017

Hope you've got a nice cuppa, never face press sexism without caffeine... 10) Designer poverty The Telegraph, 28/06/17 I'm sure anyone who is struggling financially, like public sector workers, perhaps, can empathise with Sam Cam's howl of pain. The real victim here...

The Week in Sexist News 01/05/15

Lawks guv, it's only gone and got to Friday again. We've been trawling the dark, dark abyss so you lovely lot don't have to. And we strenuously advise you not to, unless you want your brain to melt into a steaming puddle of incredulity. We find it quite staggering...

The Week in Sexist News 24/10/14

Welcome to the Week in Sexist News! Over the last 7 days we have been deafened by the sound of our national media turning sexism up to 11. As women of this fair isle, we are encouraged daily to smell the fetid glove of the inequality that besmirches our land. It is...

The Week in Sexist News 14/11/14

Oh Friday, what a day. A day to eat Crunchies, clock watch and marvel at the dark-hearted depths our spiritually bankrupt journos will plumb to debase women in the pursuit of 'news.' It really is quite breathtaking (in a walking past a septic tank kinda way). Enjoy!...

The Week in Sexist News 24/04/15

Good morrow weary fellow travellers, it is indeed Friday once more. It’s been a right week, Flora is looking to make friends in her new home and has so far joined a line-dancing troupe and an advanced whittling club. Meanwhile, Iris has been in therapy, but the less...

The Week in Sexist News 11/12/15 (sort of)

Merry December dearest pals, The Week in Sexist News is back! Well, sort of. While we've been working on our EXCITING NEW PROJECT (which we will unveil with a flourish in the New Year), so we've been taking a break from sexist newsing...but...we haven't really. You...

You couldn’t make it up

There is a point where you just can't face reading The Express, The Mail, The Sun, The Star, a large proportion of The Mirror or The Telegraph and hope never to clap eyes on any of them ever again. We have reached it. Iris thought she could cope and valiantly tried to...

The Week in Sexist News 05/06/2015

Afternoon all, sorry we're late today. It's a long story involving ovaries, gin and a ludicrous settee, we will spare you the details. We must say, this week we've both felt quite crabby. This may come across, so forgive us for all the profanities. Maybe the last 7...

The Week in Sexist News 12/12/14

Well, here we are readers, cowering in the wake of the WEATHER BOMB that has RIPPED o'er our green and pleasant land, chucking CHAOS and DESTRUCTION right in our terrified faces (for non Mail / Express readers: 'rain, and a bit of wind'). Is it safe to come out from...

The Week in Sexist News 09/01/15

New Year, new, refreshing approach to gender equality in our national press? Not bloody likely. This week has been as turgid as ever with all the usual fun of the fair (if by fun we mean fat-shaming, slut-shaming, rape apology and other crusty, patriarchal delights)....

FLAUNTING PRAISE FOR THE WEEK IN SEXIST NEWS

“A refreshing and effective combination of feminist thought and sharp humour. Has made me wet myself laughing”

Laura Bates, Everyday Sexism

“The Week in Sexist News is bang on and hilarious. Please let there be a book, it would be the kind of pant wetting affair that I would have to buy for most of the women I know (and the men too, come to think of it) the likes of which I haven’t done since Caitlin Moran’s ‘How to be a Woman’”

Lucy-Anne Holmes, No More Page 3

“I can no longer risk eating or drinking whilst reading these posts. It’s a potential death trap but I guess at least I’d go laughing (snorting and choking!) Love it!”

Jolly nice blog comment

“I actually laughed so hard my breastfeeding baby fell off the boob”

Super lovely blog comment

“It never stops does it? Brilliant though – amazing how the humour can stop me crying into my cereal despite all the misogyny”

Super jolly blog comment

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for always making me feel relieved and happy”

Lovely, smashing blog comment

Drop us a line

For any enquiries, rants or requests, please use the contact form here. Thanks x