WELCOME

WE'LL STICK THE KETTLE ON

Hello, and welcome to My Tights Won’t Stay Up. We are Iris Clot and Flora Cramp, lady-bloggers who find maintaining high levels of groomed femininity a massive ball-ache. As girl-children we saw a world promised to us on telly, in magazines and adverts where we would become lithe, graceful, organised goddesses. It was a pile of crusty lies. We can no more master liquid eyeliner than we can bewitch men with our choice of trouser, or divine the malevolent sorcery required to keep our jeffing tights up. In short, we each felt like we were starring in our own one woman farce. Read more…

Latest Blog Posts

Have your finger on the pulse of our refusal to accept the world for women as we know it. To read more blogs click >> here.

The one where they are actually Friends.

After the massive impact of #MeToo we here at Tights packed away our Olivettis, poured our Tippex down the sink, put our feet up and cracked open the posh biscuits, safe in the knowledge that sexism was dead in the water. Men all over Twitter were coming out in...

A Beginners’ Guide to Not Sexually Harassing

Sorry we've not been around very much, we figured it'd be fine to relax, after all there's not been all that much sexism lately (hahahahhahaaaaaaaa .... weep). But fear not! The fabulous Violet Bushtrimmer is here with this very handy guide for any men who may be...

Doctor Who Vs. Jackie (or The Road to Womanhood)

* This wise and personal missive to her younger self is another triumph penned by the wonderful and sensibly shod Violet Bushtrimmer. As I approach my dotage there are many things I miss about being young:  not being obsessed where the nearest toilet is, being able to...

Mind the Gap and other tales of sexist fun

• It's Friday and Violet Bushtrimmer, our roving correspondent out in the social media field, reports back on some recent findings. Mind the gap.... and the idiots. This was the week that the BBC decided to reveal the salaries of their top paid stars. Or was FORCED to...

Doctor Who and the man-babies

We welcome esteemed new contributor Ms V. Bushtrimmer to the site with what we're sure you'll agree is a frankly sensational debut. Equal parts steamed loathing, vivid sexual imagery and weeping man-babies who will be watching Ant and Dec firing marshmallows at an owl...

You couldn’t make it up

There is a point where you just can't face reading The Express, The Mail, The Sun, The Star, a large proportion of The Mirror or The Telegraph and hope never to clap eyes on any of them ever again. We have reached it. Iris thought she could cope and valiantly tried to...

Darn Kitsch! – Guest Post

We're very excited that the fabulous Cath Janes has written this guest post for us. Many a beverage was choked on reading her hilarious rage-filled Kraken Wakes blogs. She doesn't write so much these days, but is no less creative. You won't find her at a laptop, but...

The Week in Sexist News 30/06/2017

Hope you've got a nice cuppa, never face press sexism without caffeine... 10) Designer poverty The Telegraph, 28/06/17 I'm sure anyone who is struggling financially, like public sector workers, perhaps, can empathise with Sam Cam's howl of pain. The real victim here...

The week in sexist news 23/06/2017

Well, it *is* Friday. With all the other frankly abysmal shit going down, it's somewhat comforting to know that our national press (online and off) still prioritises women and make plenty of time to body and slut shame, obsess over the legs of dead royals and be...

Brexit Style

As Brexit brow sweeps the nation, we take a look at this year's hottest 'Article 50' style essentials, guaranteed to make your wardrobe great again. [Click here to view as a pdf] 1. Henge dress Made of dolerite poly-cotton mix, this neolithic number harks back to a...

The Week in Sexist News 03/04/15

Good morning! Oh we've missed this, trawling through copy and images that have been knitted together by people being fuckwits nine to five, just so they can afford oatcakes and renting a shoebox hovel somewhere borderline trendy in that London. Unless, of course,...

The Week in Sexist News 21/11/14

Hello dear readers! Come in! Take off your shoes and try not to wee in the corner. Welcome to this delightful parallel dimension where shoes save lives, gloves are in peril and saying please and thank you is more important than being a hot shot gunslinger at whatever...

The Week in Sexist News 07/11/14

Happy Friday! Are you ready for a whopping helping of festering crust on a platter, courtesy of our national press? Thought so! Disclaimer: We cannot be held responsible for the phone-chewing, laptop-kicking rage vomit that reading this post may induce. We suggest any...

The Week in Sexist News 30/06/2017

Hope you've got a nice cuppa, never face press sexism without caffeine... 10) Designer poverty The Telegraph, 28/06/17 I'm sure anyone who is struggling financially, like public sector workers, perhaps, can empathise with Sam Cam's howl of pain. The real victim here...

The Week in Sexist News 17/07/15

Good Morrow dear readers. Friday is upon us once more, and with it we serve up a tepid plate of news-flavoured offal for your reluctant delectation. You might need a pelican bib; we doubt you'll keep any of it down...   10) Context fail guys, bravo Props to The...

The Week in Sexist News 17/10/14

Yes, it's Friday again dear readers! We've been spoilt for choice this week: our national press has been busy billowing out rancid guff about fashion, music, work, sex and violent crime and, in the process, stinking out our collective consciousness. We give you our...

The Week in Sexist News 04/09/15

Good morning, you rabble of delightful malcontents. As usual, we have plumbed the depths of our fair land's journalist u-bend, and bring you the news equivalent of clumps of hair, soap scum, bits of skin and that weird gloopy grey stuff that is difficult to...

The Week in Sexist News 01/05/15

Lawks guv, it's only gone and got to Friday again. We've been trawling the dark, dark abyss so you lovely lot don't have to. And we strenuously advise you not to, unless you want your brain to melt into a steaming puddle of incredulity. We find it quite staggering...

The Week in Sexist News 20/02/2015

Hey Tights Fans, it's been a peculiar week at Tights Towers this week. Iris is living a double life of intrigue, which mainly involves fannying about in London for work and hiding her drinking habits from her mother; Flora has been going on long walks to 'get back to...

The Week in Sexist News 27/02/2015

  It's Friday, friends! As per usual this week, a sorry troupe of rent-a-hacks have spaffed some utter toss about wimmin onto page and screen. Averse to cleaning as we are - being general slovenly wenches with grimy fridge-backs - we have mopped some of it up and,...

FLAUNTING PRAISE FOR THE WEEK IN SEXIST NEWS

“A refreshing and effective combination of feminist thought and sharp humour. Has made me wet myself laughing”

Laura Bates, Everyday Sexism

“The Week in Sexist News is bang on and hilarious. Please let there be a book, it would be the kind of pant wetting affair that I would have to buy for most of the women I know (and the men too, come to think of it) the likes of which I haven’t done since Caitlin Moran’s ‘How to be a Woman’”

Lucy-Anne Holmes, No More Page 3

“I can no longer risk eating or drinking whilst reading these posts. It’s a potential death trap but I guess at least I’d go laughing (snorting and choking!) Love it!”

Jolly nice blog comment

“I actually laughed so hard my breastfeeding baby fell off the boob”

Super lovely blog comment

“It never stops does it? Brilliant though – amazing how the humour can stop me crying into my cereal despite all the misogyny”

Super jolly blog comment

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for always making me feel relieved and happy”

Lovely, smashing blog comment

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