Hello, and welcome to My Tights won’t stay up. We are Iris Clot and Flora Cramp, lady-bloggers who find maintaining high levels of groomed femininity a massive ball-ache. As girl-children we saw a world promised to us on telly, in magazines and adverts where we would become lithe, graceful, organised goddesses. It was a pile of crusty lies. We can no more master liquid eyeliner than we can bewitch men with our choice of trouser, or divine the witchcraft required to keep our jeffing tights up. In short, we each felt like we were starring in our own one woman farce. Read more…


Like urine samples, but more fun. These are some of our favourite posts to date. To read more blogs click >> here.

A Load of Arse

I’m sick of seeing arses. Sexy ones, ‘real’ ones, arty ones, surgically enhanced ones, even the arses of provincial rugby teams, innovatively raising money for charity. They’re everywhere on social media, in newspapers and magazines, on the telly. Yep, arses are...
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Sports Direct

Recently, in the midst of an impassioned rant about Sports Direct, my boyfriend interrupted me and said, with watery-eyed boredom, ‘tell it to Mike Ashley.’  Following my initial confusion, because I thought Mike Ashley was the man from Wigan with false teeth...
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I have a small confession to make. I have a shoe problem. No, not that kind of shoe problem; I’m not a wildly uncool, clumsy, gin-addled Carrie Bradshaw wannabe, I look like something from the Hippopotamousse adverts in a tutu and I never watched more than...
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The Year in Sexist News

Dear readers, we have been overcome with joy at the stories of snorted beverages and sandwich chokings this blog has inspired since we started in April. All three of us regular bloggers, Iris, Flora and Joan (and our fabulous contributors Maud and Vera) feel all...
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A Nip Down Misogyny Lane: The History of Page 3 in 12 Classic Photos

Clearly exhausted following six challenging months of pretending that Page 3 exists to a) enhance women’s self esteem (HA!) and b) save women’s lives (HAHAHAAAAA!), the twelve year old YTS lads in charge of content writing at The Sun shovelled up this...
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Distressed by Denim

So. Jeans shopping. It has to be up there with one of the most demoralising things a woman can do in a town centre bar, of course, food shopping or having to explain for the bajillionth time what ‘Ms’ means to the young chap in the Carphone Warehouse. A...
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Men’s Health

By Flora Cramp. WAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGHHHH Was my initial response on viewing the tornado of utter turd that is the Men’s Health website. In addition to the buffet of articles about a) abs b) abs and c) making money out of...
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Home Interiors

By Flora Cramp A miracle of providence occurred! Just as I was contemplating redecorating my living room, I saw an article published by Men’s Health magazine, entitled Decode her Home. In this article, a team of psychologists and behavioural experts encourage men...
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Pop Music is evocative and few people can recall the headiness of youth without linking it to a soundtrack that drips, stickily with audio nostalgia. Sometimes, memories are tinted rosier by the opening bars of their 16 year old self’s favourite album and, often,...
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By Flora Cramp The Cramps have an Easter Sunday tradition of visiting Auntie Maureen, taking her somewhere ‘nice’ where she can have a walk and eat a scone, and then arguing about whether Paul Shane was in anything after Hi-de-Hi, until it’s time to go home. My...
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The Week in Sexist News (Anniversary Issue – sort of) 16/10/15

MORNING. Well, we missed an important Tights-iversary. Last week we had been doing TWISN for a WHOLE YEAR. A whole blinkin’ year. Forty-five posts about the dickishness of our ‘free’ press. There have been more celeb-lady-part flauntings in the...
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The Week in Sexist News – 26/06/15

Holy shit. It’s Friday again. Don’t panic. Have you got some kind of baked good handy? Some tea making apparatus? Excellent. Now sit down and read about some terrible, terrible news written by some uniquely ghastly individuals… 10) No Diet Diet...
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The Week in Sexist News 20/02/2015

Hey Tights Fans, it’s been a peculiar week at Tights Towers this week. Iris is living a double life of intrigue, which mainly involves fannying about in London for work and hiding her drinking habits from her mother; Flora has been going on long walks...
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The Week in Sexist News 25/09/15

Hello!! Darlings, we have missed you. You know what else we’ve missed? That’s correct, we’ve missed ferreting around in the trough of news slurry that is the tabloid press. And we did not ferret in vain, for we have liberated some choice lumps...
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The Week in Sexist News 13/01/15

Roses are red, violets are – oh, I just can’t be arsed, dear readers. But, anyway, Valentine’s Day is upon us, with all its crap bears and hearts and 25% off Prosecco in Sainsbury’s. And that means a bumper week of patronising, sexist...
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The Week in Sexist News 12/06/15

Aaaaah… we love the smell of sexism in the morning. Which is a good thing, since this week has gifted our green and pleasant land with a veritable pea-souper of stinking, patriarchal fug. Woo-hoo. SRSLY people it’s bleak. Jeffing bleak, as my grandma,...
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The Week in Sexist News 07/08/2015

– By Iris Clot and Janice Lathe. Flora Cramp is away. On reflection and based on some comments (which we’ve responded to) I’ve updated entries #10 and #4. TWISN went a touch rogue this week… I do so love poking things with the Class Stick...
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The Week in Sexist News 08/05/15

Our heads are buried firmly in the sand this morning. La la la, we can’t hear you British politics, sorry what? No, can’t help you we’ve got our fingers in our ears. Our childish behaviour is actually a neat segue to the sexist news, since most...
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The Week in Sexist News 03/04/15

Good morning! Oh we’ve missed this, trawling through copy and images that have been knitted together by people being fuckwits nine to five, just so they can afford oatcakes and renting a shoebox hovel somewhere borderline trendy in that London. Unless,...
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The Week in Sexist News 10/10/14

By Flora Cramp, Joan Fun and Iris Clot Not content with huffing about the piss-poor state of women’s representation in our national press whilst doing our nails and enjoying faffy cheese fondue, we’ve decided to do a weekly digest of some of the...
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“A refreshing and effective combination of feminist thought and sharp humour. Has made me wet myself laughing”

Laura Bates, Everyday Sexism

“The Week in Sexist News is bang on and hilarious. Please let there be a book, it would be the kind of pant wetting affair that I would have to buy for most of the women I know (and the men too, come to think of it) the likes of which I haven’t done since Caitlin Moran’s ‘How to be a Woman’”

Lucy-Anne Holmes, No More Page 3

“I can no longer risk eating or drinking whilst reading these posts. It’s a potential death trap but I guess at least I’d go laughing (snorting and choking!) Love it!”

Jolly nice blog comment

“I actually laughed so hard my breastfeeding baby fell off the boob”

Super lovely blog comment

“It never stops does it? Brilliant though – amazing how the humour can stop me crying into my cereal despite all the misogyny”

Super jolly blog comment

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for always making me feel relieved and happy”

Lovely, smashing blog comment

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