WELCOME

WE'LL STICK THE KETTLE ON

Hello, and welcome to My Tights Won’t Stay Up. We are Iris Clot and Flora Cramp, lady-bloggers who find maintaining high levels of groomed femininity a massive ball-ache. As girl-children we saw a world promised to us on telly, in magazines and adverts where we would become lithe, graceful, organised goddesses. It was a pile of crusty lies. We can no more master liquid eyeliner than we can bewitch men with our choice of trouser, or divine the malevolent sorcery required to keep our jeffing tights up. In short, we each felt like we were starring in our own one woman farce. Read more…

Latest Blog Posts

Have your finger on the pulse of our refusal to accept the world for women as we know it. To read more blogs click >> here.

Brexit Style

As Brexit brow sweeps the nation, we take a look at this year's hottest 'Article 50' style essentials, guaranteed to make your wardrobe great again. [Click here to view as a pdf] 1. Henge dress Made of dolerite poly-cotton mix, this neolithic number harks back to a...
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30 Things We’ve Learned From Today’s Daily Mail

1) It's always best to distract readers from bad news about any royals or prospective royals... ...with tits. 2) Women should do age-appropriate shagging As men are allowed to have normal all-purpose sex regardless of age, one presumes these 'steamy' scenes required...
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Ranty Pants: Spectator Sexism

Greetings dear readers! Have you recently seen something infuriating? Have you read an article that has reduced your faculties to semolina?  Has a product or service that promised eternal salvation been a puddle of utter turd? Has an incident filled you with buckets...
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If Daily Mail Headlines Were Motivational Posters…

Where would we be without the Daily Mail Online? Europe mainly, well we're still in the EU...for now. But ghastly right wing political guff aside, where would women be without the Daily Hell? How would we know what was going to kill us and which ailments are our own...
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A Nip Down Misogyny Lane: The History of Page 3 in 12 Classic Photos

Clearly exhausted following six challenging months of pretending that Page 3 exists to a) enhance women's self esteem (HA!) and b) save women's lives (HAHAHAAAAA!), the twelve year old YTS lads in charge of content writing at The Sun shovelled up this pile of steaming...
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The Sun Diet

A guest blog, written by our mate Maud Flannel. Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t hate The Sun; I hate all sexist media. I’m quite ‘equal opportunities’ like that. However, as much The Mail et al may hate women and wear that hatred on their sleeve/website/sidebar...
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Home Interiors

By Flora Cramp A miracle of providence occurred! Just as I was contemplating redecorating my living room, I saw an article published by Men’s Health magazine, entitled Decode her Home. In this article, a team of psychologists and behavioural experts encourage men to...
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Running

By Flora Cramp Last Boxing day, when I was too full to do a jigsaw or argue with my dad, I sat in the chair near the cat litter tray with a bottle of sherry, and stared at the wall for six or seven hours. Ignoring my mum’s conversation about whether Jeremy Irons had...
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Coppafeel

By Flora Cramp Oh David Dinsmore, the most misunderstood man in Britain. Wimmin, we’ve had him all wrong. I know, I know, when he took over as Editor of The Sun last year, we all thought ‘here’s a pervy bloke in a slightly shiny suit, who likes to publish pictures of...
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The Week in Sexist News 01/05/15

Lawks guv, it's only gone and got to Friday again. We've been trawling the dark, dark abyss so you lovely lot don't have to. And we strenuously advise you not to, unless you want your brain to melt into a steaming puddle of incredulity. We find it quite staggering...
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The Week in Sexist News 17/10/14

Yes, it's Friday again dear readers! We've been spoilt for choice this week: our national press has been busy billowing out rancid guff about fashion, music, work, sex and violent crime and, in the process, stinking out our collective consciousness. We give you our...
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The Week in Sexist News 24/07/15

Do you have that Friday feeling yet? That foresight which, though accurate, you will ignore. The I'm going to be hungover tomorrow and my plans to mow the lawn/do my tax return/make something spectacular from that hardback celeb cookery book will be completely shagged...
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The Week in Sexist News 27/02/2015

  It's Friday, friends! As per usual this week, a sorry troupe of rent-a-hacks have spaffed some utter toss about wimmin onto page and screen. Averse to cleaning as we are - being general slovenly wenches with grimy fridge-backs - we have mopped some of it up...
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The Week in Sexist News 10/10/14

By Flora Cramp, Joan Fun and Iris Clot Not content with huffing about the piss-poor state of women's representation in our national press whilst doing our nails and enjoying faffy cheese fondue, we've decided to do a weekly digest of some of the most...
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The Week in Sexist News 09/01/15

New Year, new, refreshing approach to gender equality in our national press? Not bloody likely. This week has been as turgid as ever with all the usual fun of the fair (if by fun we mean fat-shaming, slut-shaming, rape apology and other crusty, patriarchal delights)....
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The Week in Sexist News 23/10/15

MORNING gals and guys! Have you had a nice week? The papers have contained an absolute toss-fest of shit-flinging and feminist bashing. Which, of course we LOVE. Without further ado here is a veritable banquet of Fleet Street faeces:   10) Not so Fonda* of...
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The Week in Sexist News 05/06/2015

Afternoon all, sorry we're late today. It's a long story involving ovaries, gin and a ludicrous settee, we will spare you the details. We must say, this week we've both felt quite crabby. This may come across, so forgive us for all the profanities. Maybe the last 7...
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The Week in Sexist News 10/07/15

Morning all. It beith Friday. We won't lie, we're a little the worse for wear. So, we'll just leave you here with these 10 slices of journalistic hell, while we go and have a small lie down.   10) Woman tweets photo, journo fills shorts Poor sad, lonely,...
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The Week in Sexist News 06/11/15

Good Morning readers! We hope you had a wonderful night of burning cloth men on massive pyres. We tend to do that every two to three weeks, but last night was exceptional - in fact, our fire is still going. We burned enough copies of The Sun to keep the embers alight...
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FLAUNTING PRAISE FOR THE WEEK IN SEXIST NEWS

“A refreshing and effective combination of feminist thought and sharp humour. Has made me wet myself laughing”

Laura Bates, Everyday Sexism

“The Week in Sexist News is bang on and hilarious. Please let there be a book, it would be the kind of pant wetting affair that I would have to buy for most of the women I know (and the men too, come to think of it) the likes of which I haven’t done since Caitlin Moran’s ‘How to be a Woman’”

Lucy-Anne Holmes, No More Page 3

“I can no longer risk eating or drinking whilst reading these posts. It’s a potential death trap but I guess at least I’d go laughing (snorting and choking!) Love it!”

Jolly nice blog comment

“I actually laughed so hard my breastfeeding baby fell off the boob”

Super lovely blog comment

“It never stops does it? Brilliant though – amazing how the humour can stop me crying into my cereal despite all the misogyny”

Super jolly blog comment

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for always making me feel relieved and happy”

Lovely, smashing blog comment

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