WELCOME

WE'LL STICK THE KETTLE ON

Hello, and welcome to My Tights Won’t Stay Up. We are Iris Clot and Flora Cramp, lady-bloggers who find maintaining high levels of groomed femininity a massive ball-ache. As girl-children we saw a world promised to us on telly, in magazines and adverts where we would become lithe, graceful, organised goddesses. It was a pile of crusty lies. We can no more master liquid eyeliner than we can bewitch men with our choice of trouser, or divine the malevolent sorcery required to keep our jeffing tights up. In short, we each felt like we were starring in our own one woman farce. Read more…

BLOG SAMPLES

Like urine samples, but more fun. These are some of our favourite posts to date. To read more blogs click >> here.

A Load of Arse

I’m sick of seeing arses. Sexy ones, ‘real’ ones, arty ones, surgically enhanced ones, even the arses of provincial rugby teams, innovatively raising money for charity. They’re everywhere on social media, in newspapers and magazines, on the telly. Yep, arses are...
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Sports Direct

Recently, in the midst of an impassioned rant about Sports Direct, my boyfriend interrupted me and said, with watery-eyed boredom, ‘tell it to Mike Ashley.’  Following my initial confusion, because I thought Mike Ashley was the man from Wigan with false teeth...
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Shoes

I have a small confession to make. I have a shoe problem. No, not that kind of shoe problem; I’m not a wildly uncool, clumsy, gin-addled Carrie Bradshaw wannabe, I look like something from the Hippopotamousse adverts in a tutu and I never watched more than...
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The Year in Sexist News

Dear readers, we have been overcome with joy at the stories of snorted beverages and sandwich chokings this blog has inspired since we started in April. All three of us regular bloggers, Iris, Flora and Joan (and our fabulous contributors Maud and Vera) feel all...
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A Nip Down Misogyny Lane: The History of Page 3 in 12 Classic Photos

Clearly exhausted following six challenging months of pretending that Page 3 exists to a) enhance women’s self esteem (HA!) and b) save women’s lives (HAHAHAAAAA!), the twelve year old YTS lads in charge of content writing at The Sun shovelled up this...
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Distressed by Denim

So. Jeans shopping. It has to be up there with one of the most demoralising things a woman can do in a town centre bar, of course, food shopping or having to explain for the bajillionth time what ‘Ms’ means to the young chap in the Carphone Warehouse. A...
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Men’s Health

By Flora Cramp. WAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGHHHH Was my initial response on viewing the tornado of utter turd that is the Men’s Health website. In addition to the buffet of articles about a) abs b) abs and c) making money out of...
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Home Interiors

By Flora Cramp A miracle of providence occurred! Just as I was contemplating redecorating my living room, I saw an article published by Men’s Health magazine, entitled Decode her Home. In this article, a team of psychologists and behavioural experts encourage men...
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Pop

Pop Music is evocative and few people can recall the headiness of youth without linking it to a soundtrack that drips, stickily with audio nostalgia. Sometimes, memories are tinted rosier by the opening bars of their 16 year old self’s favourite album and, often,...
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Hangovers

By Flora Cramp The Cramps have an Easter Sunday tradition of visiting Auntie Maureen, taking her somewhere ‘nice’ where she can have a walk and eat a scone, and then arguing about whether Paul Shane was in anything after Hi-de-Hi, until it’s time to go home. My...
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The Week in Sexist News – Halloween Special 31/10/14

Welcome to The Week in Sexist News – Halloween Special! Bringing you the sexist horror stories that ooze and seep into our lives like that squashed carton of warm low-fat yoghurt you put in your bag and meant to have for lunch, but went and got a KitKat...
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The Week in Sexist News 31/07/2015

Morning all. Yay, it’s Friday! Want to have a peep into the back of the metaphorical news fridge and smell the fetid, gone-off offerings from the UK’s finest toss peddlers? Thought so. You. Are. Welcome…   10) FASHION! In Telegraph land,...
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The Week in Sexist News 10/07/15

Morning all. It beith Friday. We won’t lie, we’re a little the worse for wear. So, we’ll just leave you here with these 10 slices of journalistic hell, while we go and have a small lie down.   10) Woman tweets photo, journo fills shorts...
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The Week in Sexist News 16/01/15

Hello dear readers, come in, no no don’t take your shoes off, you’ll get your socks dirty. A glass of Tesco’s Finest Pinot Grigio and some Hobnobs? That’s it, have a seat, gird your loins and join us to delight/despair [delete as...
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The Week in Sexist News 03/04/15

Good morning! Oh we’ve missed this, trawling through copy and images that have been knitted together by people being fuckwits nine to five, just so they can afford oatcakes and renting a shoebox hovel somewhere borderline trendy in that London. Unless,...
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The Week in Sexist News 09/10/2015

Oh Good God, it’s Friday again. Which, on the one hand, is good and, on the other, is a reminder of how little one can achieve in 5 days. Unless one includes biscuits consumed, in which case, both of us are WINNERS at life. Anyway, our weekly productivity...
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The Week in Sexist News 24/10/14

Welcome to the Week in Sexist News! Over the last 7 days we have been deafened by the sound of our national media turning sexism up to 11. As women of this fair isle, we are encouraged daily to smell the fetid glove of the inequality that besmirches our land. It...
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The Week in Sexist News 25/09/15

Hello!! Darlings, we have missed you. You know what else we’ve missed? That’s correct, we’ve missed ferreting around in the trough of news slurry that is the tabloid press. And we did not ferret in vain, for we have liberated some choice lumps...
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Not The Week in Sexist News 13/11/2015

Morning you glories. We have a confession to make… There is no Sexist News today. We do have a good reason, we promise. We are working on a project that we hope will delight and amuse. Though we would love to be able to do TWISN in tandem, trawling through...
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The Week in Sexist News 17/10/14

Yes, it’s Friday again dear readers! We’ve been spoilt for choice this week: our national press has been busy billowing out rancid guff about fashion, music, work, sex and violent crime and, in the process, stinking out our collective consciousness....
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FLAUNTING PRAISE FOR THE WEEK IN SEXIST NEWS

“A refreshing and effective combination of feminist thought and sharp humour. Has made me wet myself laughing”

Laura Bates, Everyday Sexism

“The Week in Sexist News is bang on and hilarious. Please let there be a book, it would be the kind of pant wetting affair that I would have to buy for most of the women I know (and the men too, come to think of it) the likes of which I haven’t done since Caitlin Moran’s ‘How to be a Woman’”

Lucy-Anne Holmes, No More Page 3

“I can no longer risk eating or drinking whilst reading these posts. It’s a potential death trap but I guess at least I’d go laughing (snorting and choking!) Love it!”

Jolly nice blog comment

“I actually laughed so hard my breastfeeding baby fell off the boob”

Super lovely blog comment

“It never stops does it? Brilliant though – amazing how the humour can stop me crying into my cereal despite all the misogyny”

Super jolly blog comment

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for always making me feel relieved and happy”

Lovely, smashing blog comment

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