WELCOME

WE'LL STICK THE KETTLE ON

Hello, and welcome to My Tights Won’t Stay Up. We are Iris Clot and Flora Cramp, lady-bloggers who find maintaining high levels of groomed femininity a massive ball-ache. As girl-children we saw a world promised to us on telly, in magazines and adverts where we would become lithe, graceful, organised goddesses. It was a pile of crusty lies. We can no more master liquid eyeliner than we can bewitch men with our choice of trouser, or divine the malevolent sorcery required to keep our jeffing tights up. In short, we each felt like we were starring in our own one woman farce. Read more…

Latest Blog Posts

Have your finger on the pulse of our refusal to accept the world for women as we know it. To read more blogs click >> here.

Brexit Style

As Brexit brow sweeps the nation, we take a look at this year's hottest 'Article 50' style essentials, guaranteed to make your wardrobe great again. [Click here to view as a pdf] 1. Henge dress Made of dolerite poly-cotton mix, this neolithic number harks back to a...
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30 Things We’ve Learned From Today’s Daily Mail

1) It's always best to distract readers from bad news about any royals or prospective royals... ...with tits. 2) Women should do age-appropriate shagging As men are allowed to have normal all-purpose sex regardless of age, one presumes these 'steamy' scenes required...
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Ranty Pants: Spectator Sexism

Greetings dear readers! Have you recently seen something infuriating? Have you read an article that has reduced your faculties to semolina?  Has a product or service that promised eternal salvation been a puddle of utter turd? Has an incident filled you with buckets...
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If Daily Mail Headlines Were Motivational Posters…

Where would we be without the Daily Mail Online? Europe mainly, well we're still in the EU...for now. But ghastly right wing political guff aside, where would women be without the Daily Hell? How would we know what was going to kill us and which ailments are our own...
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A Nip Down Misogyny Lane: The History of Page 3 in 12 Classic Photos

Clearly exhausted following six challenging months of pretending that Page 3 exists to a) enhance women's self esteem (HA!) and b) save women's lives (HAHAHAAAAA!), the twelve year old YTS lads in charge of content writing at The Sun shovelled up this pile of steaming...
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The Sun Diet

A guest blog, written by our mate Maud Flannel. Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t hate The Sun; I hate all sexist media. I’m quite ‘equal opportunities’ like that. However, as much The Mail et al may hate women and wear that hatred on their sleeve/website/sidebar...
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Home Interiors

By Flora Cramp A miracle of providence occurred! Just as I was contemplating redecorating my living room, I saw an article published by Men’s Health magazine, entitled Decode her Home. In this article, a team of psychologists and behavioural experts encourage men to...
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Running

By Flora Cramp Last Boxing day, when I was too full to do a jigsaw or argue with my dad, I sat in the chair near the cat litter tray with a bottle of sherry, and stared at the wall for six or seven hours. Ignoring my mum’s conversation about whether Jeremy Irons had...
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Coppafeel

By Flora Cramp Oh David Dinsmore, the most misunderstood man in Britain. Wimmin, we’ve had him all wrong. I know, I know, when he took over as Editor of The Sun last year, we all thought ‘here’s a pervy bloke in a slightly shiny suit, who likes to publish pictures of...
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The Week in Sexist News 03/04/15

Good morning! Oh we've missed this, trawling through copy and images that have been knitted together by people being fuckwits nine to five, just so they can afford oatcakes and renting a shoebox hovel somewhere borderline trendy in that London. Unless, of course,...
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The Week in Sexist News – 26/06/15

Holy shit. It's Friday again. Don't panic. Have you got some kind of baked good handy? Some tea making apparatus? Excellent. Now sit down and read about some terrible, terrible news written by some uniquely ghastly individuals... 10) No Diet Diet THE NO DIET DIET IS...
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The Week in Sexist News 24/04/15

Good morrow weary fellow travellers, it is indeed Friday once more. It’s been a right week, Flora is looking to make friends in her new home and has so far joined a line-dancing troupe and an advanced whittling club. Meanwhile, Iris has been in therapy, but the less...
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The Week in Sexist News 07/08/2015

- By Iris Clot and Janice Lathe. Flora Cramp is away. On reflection and based on some comments (which we've responded to) I've updated entries #10 and #4. TWISN went a touch rogue this week... I do so love poking things with the Class Stick but Flora usually reigns me...
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Not the Week in Sexist News

Morning campers, we hope this Friday sees you well. We however, have had an absolute toss-bag of a week. Frankly, Flora and I would like this week to go get knotted. We had plans for amusing capers, my beard is coming on nicely and I'd planned to see if I could join...
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The Week in Sexist News 19/06/15

Good morning citizens of the internet. We hope you're having a nice Friday (or any other day if you're reading this some other time). We've had a largely calm week, well, sort of. Iris is ovulating and so has mostly been crying, but Flora has had some delightful walks...
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Not The Week in Sexist News 13/11/2015

Morning you glories. We have a confession to make... There is no Sexist News today. We do have a good reason, we promise. We are working on a project that we hope will delight and amuse. Though we would love to be able to do TWISN in tandem, trawling through the...
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The Week in Sexist News 19/12/14

Ah, the week before Christmas. As Flora spends her mornings (in Auntie June's words) 'marying about with tinsel' and Joan Fun drinks her way through the school nativity, Iris effs and jeffs the hours away, wishing that Slade, the Debenhams gift department and nobheads...
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The Week in Sexist News 12/06/15

Aaaaah... we love the smell of sexism in the morning. Which is a good thing, since this week has gifted our green and pleasant land with a veritable pea-souper of stinking, patriarchal fug. Woo-hoo. SRSLY people it's bleak. Jeffing bleak, as my grandma, who would die...
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The Week in Sexist News 13/01/15

Roses are red, violets are - oh, I just can't be arsed, dear readers. But, anyway, Valentine's Day is upon us, with all its crap bears and hearts and 25% off Prosecco in Sainsbury's. And that means a bumper week of patronising, sexist manure chucked in the faces of...
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FLAUNTING PRAISE FOR THE WEEK IN SEXIST NEWS

“A refreshing and effective combination of feminist thought and sharp humour. Has made me wet myself laughing”

Laura Bates, Everyday Sexism

“The Week in Sexist News is bang on and hilarious. Please let there be a book, it would be the kind of pant wetting affair that I would have to buy for most of the women I know (and the men too, come to think of it) the likes of which I haven’t done since Caitlin Moran’s ‘How to be a Woman’”

Lucy-Anne Holmes, No More Page 3

“I can no longer risk eating or drinking whilst reading these posts. It’s a potential death trap but I guess at least I’d go laughing (snorting and choking!) Love it!”

Jolly nice blog comment

“I actually laughed so hard my breastfeeding baby fell off the boob”

Super lovely blog comment

“It never stops does it? Brilliant though – amazing how the humour can stop me crying into my cereal despite all the misogyny”

Super jolly blog comment

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for always making me feel relieved and happy”

Lovely, smashing blog comment

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