Hello, and welcome to My Tights Won’t Stay Up. We are Iris Clot and Flora Cramp, lady-bloggers who find maintaining high levels of groomed femininity a massive ball-ache. As girl-children we saw a world promised to us on telly, in magazines and adverts where we would become lithe, graceful, organised goddesses. It was a pile of crusty lies. We can no more master liquid eyeliner than we can bewitch men with our choice of trouser, or divine the malevolent sorcery required to keep our jeffing tights up. In short, we each felt like we were starring in our own one woman farce. Read more…

Latest Blog Posts

Have your finger on the pulse of our refusal to accept the world for women as we know it. To read more blogs click >> here.

Brexit Style

As Brexit brow sweeps the nation, we take a look at this year's hottest 'Article 50' style essentials, guaranteed to make your wardrobe great again. [Click here to view as a pdf] 1. Henge dress Made of dolerite poly-cotton mix, this neolithic number harks back to a...
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30 Things We’ve Learned From Today’s Daily Mail

1) It's always best to distract readers from bad news about any royals or prospective royals... ...with tits. 2) Women should do age-appropriate shagging As men are allowed to have normal all-purpose sex regardless of age, one presumes these 'steamy' scenes required...
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Ranty Pants: Spectator Sexism

Greetings dear readers! Have you recently seen something infuriating? Have you read an article that has reduced your faculties to semolina?  Has a product or service that promised eternal salvation been a puddle of utter turd? Has an incident filled you with buckets...
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If Daily Mail Headlines Were Motivational Posters…

Where would we be without the Daily Mail Online? Europe mainly, well we're still in the EU...for now. But ghastly right wing political guff aside, where would women be without the Daily Hell? How would we know what was going to kill us and which ailments are our own...
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A Nip Down Misogyny Lane: The History of Page 3 in 12 Classic Photos

Clearly exhausted following six challenging months of pretending that Page 3 exists to a) enhance women's self esteem (HA!) and b) save women's lives (HAHAHAAAAA!), the twelve year old YTS lads in charge of content writing at The Sun shovelled up this pile of steaming...
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The Sun Diet

A guest blog, written by our mate Maud Flannel. Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t hate The Sun; I hate all sexist media. I’m quite ‘equal opportunities’ like that. However, as much The Mail et al may hate women and wear that hatred on their sleeve/website/sidebar...
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Home Interiors

By Flora Cramp A miracle of providence occurred! Just as I was contemplating redecorating my living room, I saw an article published by Men’s Health magazine, entitled Decode her Home. In this article, a team of psychologists and behavioural experts encourage men to...
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By Flora Cramp Last Boxing day, when I was too full to do a jigsaw or argue with my dad, I sat in the chair near the cat litter tray with a bottle of sherry, and stared at the wall for six or seven hours. Ignoring my mum’s conversation about whether Jeremy Irons had...
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By Flora Cramp Oh David Dinsmore, the most misunderstood man in Britain. Wimmin, we’ve had him all wrong. I know, I know, when he took over as Editor of The Sun last year, we all thought ‘here’s a pervy bloke in a slightly shiny suit, who likes to publish pictures of...
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The Week in Sexist News 06/11/15

Good Morning readers! We hope you had a wonderful night of burning cloth men on massive pyres. We tend to do that every two to three weeks, but last night was exceptional - in fact, our fire is still going. We burned enough copies of The Sun to keep the embers alight...
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The Year in Sexist News

Dear readers, we have been overcome with joy at the stories of snorted beverages and sandwich chokings this blog has inspired since we started in April. All three of us regular bloggers, Iris, Flora and Joan (and our fabulous contributors Maud and Vera) feel all warm...
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The Week in (really) Sexist News 23/01/15

Hello dear, dear readers. Well, what a week. We'll admit it's been a bit trying in places; Iris realised she's really, reeeally shit at painting her nails like a proper grown-up woman and Flora had an incident with a fox, a biscuit tin and a discarded vibrator. So,...
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The Week in Sexist News (Anniversary Issue – sort of) 16/10/15

MORNING. Well, we missed an important Tights-iversary. Last week we had been doing TWISN for a WHOLE YEAR. A whole blinkin' year. Forty-five posts about the dickishness of our 'free' press. There have been more celeb-lady-part flauntings in the last year than we've...
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The Week in Sexist News 03/07/15

Morning lovely people, as you may or may not know this week's count down is a bit later as we did our first LIVE version of Sexist News yesterday at Matchwomen's Festival. All very exciting and hangover facilitating. So without further ado, here's some shit news for...
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The Week in Sexist News 19/12/14

Ah, the week before Christmas. As Flora spends her mornings (in Auntie June's words) 'marying about with tinsel' and Joan Fun drinks her way through the school nativity, Iris effs and jeffs the hours away, wishing that Slade, the Debenhams gift department and nobheads...
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The Week in Sexist News 21/11/14

Hello dear readers! Come in! Take off your shoes and try not to wee in the corner. Welcome to this delightful parallel dimension where shoes save lives, gloves are in peril and saying please and thank you is more important than being a hot shot gunslinger at whatever...
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The Week in Sexist News 30/01/15

Greetings readers, how is everyone? We're a bit out of sorts, Flora has been having trouble with technology and wrote her bits of TWISN with an actual pen and paper, it's a little suspect, we're keeping an eye on her. Iris has been mainlining espressos since she...
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The Week in Sexist News 06/03/2015

It is once again Friday, that hallowed day which, for many of the 30 something spinsters that read our blog, will end with you all sicking up in a bush having lost a shoe outside the church social or Gala bingo, for the agnostic or worse (crosses self) amongst us....
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The Week in Sexist News 02/10/15

Morning sports fans. So, it's Friday and if you've been anywhere near a tabloid this week you'll likely be feeling all demeaned and grubby, maybe with a startlingly reduced IQ. We've spent the last two days looking at this river of brain corroding smeg and both feel...
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“A refreshing and effective combination of feminist thought and sharp humour. Has made me wet myself laughing”

Laura Bates, Everyday Sexism

“The Week in Sexist News is bang on and hilarious. Please let there be a book, it would be the kind of pant wetting affair that I would have to buy for most of the women I know (and the men too, come to think of it) the likes of which I haven’t done since Caitlin Moran’s ‘How to be a Woman’”

Lucy-Anne Holmes, No More Page 3

“I can no longer risk eating or drinking whilst reading these posts. It’s a potential death trap but I guess at least I’d go laughing (snorting and choking!) Love it!”

Jolly nice blog comment

“I actually laughed so hard my breastfeeding baby fell off the boob”

Super lovely blog comment

“It never stops does it? Brilliant though – amazing how the humour can stop me crying into my cereal despite all the misogyny”

Super jolly blog comment

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for always making me feel relieved and happy”

Lovely, smashing blog comment

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